I am alone in the rare stillness of life, everything is frozen. I have stopped to look at the world I live in, a world that I am capable of creating, impacting, influencing. I look at the people in my life. There's friends, classmates, roommates, family, mentors, teachers. All of whom I adore. Then I look at my responsibilities. School, jobs, homework, groceries, errands, a house. Major opportunities and blessings I am thankful for. Next I see the commitments I've made- I see teammates, high school friends, club, campaigners, dinners, sporting events, parents, meetings. Time, time, time that brings me joy to give away. These people, responsibilities, and commitments are all asking for something from me. Asking for pieces of me, attention, love. By this time I am overwhelmed. What seemed to be a grand, adventurous life just waiting to be filled has now turned into a big pile of pressure and stress weighing down on me.
And there here I am. Alone, deserted in an empty town with all of this work ahead of me. So I start plugging away, building up a relationship here and doing homework over there and going to club right there and figuring out a job somewhere in there. Slowly but surely, things seem to come together. But all of a sudden I realize that this is not enough. I look at a neighboring town and see buildings reaching to the sky. Their town is polished and clean and organized. I look at mine and I see a few small buildings- buildings with incredible promise, but in need of more attention. I can do this, I think. I have everything under control. I will just work a little harder. So I start to work. I start building up one building into a beautiful masterpiece. I pour my heart and soul into this building. I spend all of my time with it, caring for it, talking to it, loving it with all I have. I step back and look at what I have done. As I step back I realize that I have spent all my time on this one building and the rest of them have started to crumble, almost nonexistent. That's okay, I think. I can do this. So I move to another building. But as soon as I take my eyes off of my masterpiece it starts to deteriorate. That's okay, I think. I can do this. So I reach out my hand and place it on the building. It comes back to life a little more. Good. Now I only have this other hand to work with, what should I do? I look around and see that way over there, there is a building empty, shallow, crying out for love and attention. I have no choice but to leave. So I walk away, watching my masterpiece crumble. But it's okay! I tell myself, I can do this! I will save this other building! It will be worth it. So I start to work, and eventually it has life again. It has hope and it is full. Then I turn around and see the rest of the buildings that need my embrace. I pick the most hopeless one and pour my heart out, sharing my life in hopes that it will come back to life. As I move from building to building, I watch my previous masterpieces crumble little by little. They are all falling. So I start running. I run from building to building, barely stopping to pour out what little I have to offer. Eventually this too becomes exhausting and not enough. So I stand in the middle, out of breath and out of love, surrounded by these buildings I love so much, watching them collapse, crushing my dreams of a shiny, perfect, admirable, upstanding, beautiful town. I failed. But, I worked so hard. I have done everything I can do. How can anyone possibly maintain such a town? I look up to the sky and reject all blame. This is your fault, I shout. How do you expect me to do all of this? It is impossible.
My child, I hear a soft response in the deepest part of my soul. I want to resist, basking in my wrongness, knowing that my heart is hard. My daughter, I hear. My beloved. With each beckon my walls come down. My sweet bride, I never wanted any of this from you. Don't you see? I knew you couldn't do it on your own. I knew that you would fail. I knew that you would betray me, put things before me, love others more than me. I created you. I knew you before you were in your mother's womb. I do not want your buildings or your works. Can't you see? I have already done all of the work. I sent my Son for you. You don't need to work. Your heart is my desire. I want you to love me more than you love your most beautiful building. I want you to pour your heart, your love, attention, time, and soul into me. But what about my buildings? I ask. I have to do this, I have to take care of them. Those are not your buildings, my child. Those buildings belong to me. They are my responsibility. Suddenly, I can breath again. I break down, crying in relief. They are not mine, I think. They are not mine. So, they're Yours? I naively question my Creator. Of course they are mine, I let you borrow them as a gift, not a burden. Can't you see? They are brilliant gifts of my mercy and grace. They were never meant to bring you down. Give them back to me, you will see. Give them back? Give them back. But what are you going to do with them? My buildings are precious treasures to me. I cannot give them back so easily. I have spent my time and love pouring into them, I cannot just let go. Trust me, beloved. But what are you going to do with them? Will I get them back? Trust me, my child. But... I love them. Love me, daughter. What will I do if I don't have any buildings to love? How will I spend my time? Delight in me, my bride. What does that mean? How do I do that? Taste and see that I am good.
So, reluctantly, I let go. Not my will, but Yours be done.
What seems like a worthy and mighty gesture on our part turns into a burdensome, obedient act. What God intended to be a gift of grace a mercy becomes a weight that pulls us further away from our Creator. He never asks for anything but our love. Not only is He asking, but He is commanding. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and all your strength. How do I do that? Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. I have found myself asking, what does that even mean? Honestly. It sounds great and perfect, but how do I apply that to my life? Taste and see that the I am is good. The Lord has been prompting me of this lately. Test me, is what He is saying. Ask, and it will be given. Seek, and you will find. Knock, and it will be opened. Taste, and see.
Deuteronomy 6:5
You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your mind and with all your soul.
Psalm 37:4
Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 7:7-8
Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks received, and the one who seeks finds, and the one who seeks finds, and the one who knocks it will be opened.
Psalm 34:8
Taste and see the the LORD is good.
