God started my year by taking me to Passion. What a sweet experience worshiping with 60,000 brothers and sisters was. I think that was when He ravished my heart for good. That was when I felt Him more than ever. Those four days He healed my heart and told me He wouldn't let go- no matter how faithless I am. I remember Francis Chan standing on the stage and reading this promise from 2 Timothy. And it has been one the verses that God has constantly brought me back to this year.
As I look back at 2013, I see all of the times I turned my back on God. Both in big ways and in little ones that I didn't even realize at the time. This promise of His faithfulness has been most evident in what He has taught me about grace. If He has taught me about anything, He has taught me about grace. There's a lyric from one of my favorite songs that says, "I am overwhelmed that I keep finding open arms". I don't think I could explain my feelings on grace better than that. His grace has wooed my mind, heart, and soul forever. He has changed my heart from thinking that I was a decently good person to seeing my self as sinful, fallen, dirty, broken, and needy to knowing that I am new, holy, justified, and glorified. His grace is like a new, shiny gift glimmering under the Christmas tree that I get to open over and over again every morning, just to find new life, love that endures, and a God that knows me every time. I will never get tired of opening that gift.
This past year has also been a year of firsts. From my first semester of leading Young Life, to my first attempt at a godly relationship. He took me to Colorado and taught me more than I thought was possible to learn in a month. He has given me an amazing house to live in with amazing roommates. And He has changed my heart from one that is defensive and accusing to one that is patient and full of mercy because of them. He has showed me more of what excites my heart and what He has written in it. He has taught me a million little things and one great thing- that no matter what I do, He will love me. And He will pursue me relentlessly until the end of time.
I am constantly astounded at the life I have. And even more astounded at the ways He has changed me and is still changing me. I was just telling one of my friends the other day that I was feeling almost defeated about what the Lord has been convicting me of lately and my feeling of inadequateness. That's when I felt Him speaking to my heart as He always does, saying, "Don't rush, don't worry, my child, my grace is enough". Wow. Grace has taught me that I am not perfect and I don't have to be perfect.
The other night one of my friends asked me about my tattoo on my wrist and says "grace". I laughed as I thought about the irony it now holds. I told him that it's funny because when I got the tattoo, the summer after my senior year, I had no idea what grace was- not like I do now, at least. I wasn't even really walking with the Lord. I remember wanting it to be a reminder that I wasn't perfect and that I needed to be saved. A year and a half later, it couldn't be more opposite. Now it represents a beautiful story of redemption, hope, and new life. Well, about a month ago I got the chance to take my high school friends to Young Life Fall Camp for a weekend. My favorite part of the weekend was in one of the cabin times they asked me about this tattoo on my wrist. I got to tell them the differences between forgiveness, mercy, and grace. I got to share with them about the new life that we are offered so freely and how stunning it is. It was the absolute sweetest moment. And I am so thankful that God so graciously gave me the chance to share that with His daughters.
This year was full of moments like this one- ones where I would look back at God and see that His grace that is outshining everything else around me. "...but where sin abounded, grace abounded much more," Romans 5:20.
2 Timothy 2:13
"If we are faithless, He remains faithful-
For He cannon deny Himself."
Romans 8:30
"And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified."
Colossians 1:22
"he has now reconciled in his cody of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him."
1 Peter 1:3-4
"According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading..."
Romans 8:38-39
"For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, now powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."
2 Corinthians 12:9
"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
