Delight

So I have sat down to write this blog post 3 times now and each time I feel like I go off on random tangents that are apart of what I want to say but I don't end up saying what I actually want to say. So I'm just going to come out and say it.

Following Jesus in college is confusing and hard. 

Yes, it's hard at all times but I have found this season of my life to be one where I am faced with an abundance of decisions- decisions of utmost importance, ones that will effect the rest of my life. Well that's one way to look at it, and I think that's the most common, applicable, realistic way to look at it. The other way is that it really doesn't matter. Does it matter what I'm going to major in? Does it matter if I have 2 internships, 3 leadership role positions, and innumerable extra curricular/volunteer hours when I graduate so that I am "marketable" and can actually get a job? Does it matter if I study abroad? Do I want to do all of those thing? Most of them, yeah. I would love to do them. But are they important? In comparison to eternity- do these 4 years of school really matter?

I guess I am having trouble balancing perspective and reality. In the grande scheme of life, God is going to do what He wants to do. Plain and simple. In reality, I have to graduate from college and get a job. So where do I draw the line? Where can I say, yes- I need to do this, this is necessary. And where I can say, you know what- I'm not going to worry about this because in the long run it doesn't really matter.

I have been wrestling with this question for about a month now. I mean really wrestling- crying, journaling, losing sleep over it. And every single time I bring it to God I get a clear answer. Delight yourself in Me. That's all He says. Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. 

For the longest time I have thought that that was one of the most over-used, exhausted, cliche verses in the bible that Christians throw around all the time. I thought it was because it sounds beautiful- and we get what we want. That's how I saw it- I saw it as an equation. Do this then this will happen. Simple. But lately God had been making this verse come to life for me. As I struggle to find meaning and direction in school and my future God only asks one thing of me, and that's for me to delight in Him. How gracious. This has put God in a whole new light for me. I used to think that God was constantly laughing at me, constantly watching me fail and letting me fail, looking down on me almost bitter, in a holier-than-thou sense. And wow did I have it wrong.

As He has been showing me this verse and teaching me what it means, He has shown me that He looks down on me patiently, affectionately, eagerly, delicately, just waiting for me to look back at Him. He wants to give me everything I have ever wanted- doesn't every father want nothing but the best for his child? Think about your parents and what they want for you. Whether it seems like it or not, they want nothing but the absolute best for you. And God loves you more than your parents ever could, so just think about the things He wants to give you. He isn't watching bitterly as I fail miserably. But He graciously offers me joy, peace, and true love. And it's an offer that He will never stop giving. Because His love endures and His peace is transcending. 

So as I continue to stumble through this complex and seemingly meaningless education- and life, I will pray that He will take my steps for me and lead me to where He wants me. But also that I will soak it in, live in the moment, take joy in where I am at right now, laugh, and delight in Him. Not so that I will get what I want, but because I love Him and I want to want what He wants. He is wild, deep, fierce, sweet, and good. And I want my life to be wild, deep, fierce, sweet, and good. 



Psalm 37:4-5
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will act."

Psalm 136:1
"Give thanks to the Lord for He is good, His steadfast love endures forever."

Philippians 4:6-7
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."